When the Lists Don’t Get Checked — And Grace Still Counts

Every January, I grab a fresh notebook and make the list. Goals. Intentions. Habits I’m convinced will finally stick this year.

As a counselor, I see this same cycle show up in so many people’s lives—especially those carrying anxiety, grief, or quiet burnout into a new year.

I love lists. I love checking things off. There’s something grounding about progress you can see.

And yet, by the time December rolls around, life has happened. Pain has interrupted. Grief has slowed things down. Once again, I’m standing at the end of the year staring at unfinished boxes, asking myself the same familiar question:

How did I end up back here again?

That’s usually when guilt creeps in. Disappointment follows. And pressure quickly takes over—Next year, I’ll do better.

When My Manager Parts Take the Lead

From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens—a therapeutic approach I often use in counseling—I can recognize what’s happening.

The parts of me that love structure, productivity, and control—my manager parts—step in with good intentions. They want growth. They want order. They want to protect me from failure and shame.

But when those parts lead without compassion, they quietly start measuring my worth by what I accomplished instead of how I lived, loved, and showed up.

And Jesus never asked us to live that way.

Looking Back With Different Eyes

This year, I’m asking different questions.

Not What did I fail to do? But Where did I show up with kindness?

Not Why didn’t I push harder? But Who felt seen or supported because I stayed present?

When I imagine Jesus looking back over this past year, I don’t picture Him scanning my unfinished list with disappointment. I imagine Him noticing the moments I easily overlook—the grace extended in hard conversations, the forgiveness that took courage, the times I stayed soft instead of shutting down.

Did I live perfectly? No. But did I keep returning to Him? Did I love when it was easier not to?

That matters.

Growth Doesn’t Always Come With Checkmarks

I didn’t check off everything on last year’s list.

But I did grow.

I learned to extend gentleness toward myself instead of criticism. I allowed myself to feel and grieve rather than rushing past the pain. I practiced forgiveness and chose softness where I once armored up. I learned that all parts of me are welcome—even the ones that still hurt.

None of that fits neatly on a checklist. But it is real growth—and often the kind of healing we focus on in counseling work.

Anchored in My CLIF

My CLIF—my Christ-Like Internal Foundation—has remained the same:

I am a peaceful, joyful, secure, and surrendered woman of God.

I still hold tightly to those words.

As I step into this new year, I sense God inviting me not to strive harder, but to stay more anchored—to Him, to love, and to how I show up with others and with myself.

This coming year, I want more love and less pressure. More presence and less striving. More space for grace, healing, and the parts of me that are still learning.

Entering the New Year Differently

Maybe this year doesn’t need another list.

Maybe it needs a deeper anchor.

An anchor that reminds us that healing counts. That grace matters. That growth doesn’t always look impressive from the outside. An anchor that welcomes every part of us into the presence of Jesus—the joyful parts, the weary parts, and the ones still finding their way.

So if you’re standing at the edge of a new year feeling behind, discouraged, or disappointed, pause.

You may not have failed. You may have been growing in ways that don’t show up on paper.

And that kind of growth matters deeply to God.

This is the kind of gentle, faith-integrated work we believe supports lasting emotional and spiritual health.

Written by Rebecca Muyres, LPC, CPCS, RPT-S, CCTP, CATP
Founder, Creative Family Counseling & Coaching