Helping Your Child With Back-to-School Anxiety (Ages 3–12)
New backpacks, sharpened pencils—and a bundle of nerves.
If your child has been clinging tighter in the mornings, feeling weepy, or suddenly complaining of tummy aches, you’re not alone. Many children experience back-to-school anxiety, especially after a summer of slow mornings and safe routines at home.
The good news? With your steady support, this can be a season of growth—not just survival. Below are some of the most common fears we hear from kids in our office, and simple ways you can help ease their minds and build resilience.
1. “I don’t want to leave you!” – Separation Anxiety
This is one of the most common struggles after summer break, especially for younger kids or those with a strong bond to their caregiver.
🗣 What to say:
“You love being with me, and it feels really hard to be apart. That makes so much sense.”
“Even when we’re apart, we are still connected in our hearts.”
💡 What to do:
Create a “connection token” like a small heart drawn on their hand or a photo in their backpack.
Practice short separations with a predictable return to build trust.
Stick to your drop-off plan and model confidence.
2. “What if I don’t like my teacher?” – New Teacher Worries
Big changes—like meeting a new teacher—can feel overwhelming for kids who crave familiarity.
🗣 What to say:
“It’s okay to feel nervous about someone new. It usually takes a little time to feel comfortable.”
“Let’s make a list of things you can do if something feels hard.”
💡 What to do:
Visit the school ahead of time if possible.
Print or draw a “school routine map” to bring clarity.
Reflect before reassuring: “You’re wondering if they’ll be kind—those thoughts can feel really big.”
3. “What if no one wants to play with me?” – Friendship Fears
Many kids worry about being left out or navigating new social dynamics.
🗣 What to say:
“Making new friends takes time, and you’re learning how to do that.”
“Even grownups feel unsure sometimes. Let’s come up with one sentence you could try.”
💡 What to do:
Practice simple phrases like “Want to play?” or “What’s your favorite game?”
Don’t pressure—let social interactions unfold naturally.
Use play therapy tools (like role-playing or puppets) to gently explore these fears.
4. “What if I throw up at school?” – Health/Emetophobia Worries
Some children have big fears around getting sick or seeing someone else vomit.
🗣 What to say:
“Your brain is trying to keep you safe—even though there’s no danger right now.”
“Let’s help your body calm down so it can feel safer.”
💡 What to do:
Create a Calm Place toolkit with grounding tools (favorite smells, images, deep breathing).
Avoid too much reassurance—it can accidentally reinforce the worry loop.
Teach body signals using a feelings thermometer or worry scale.
5. “What if the work is too hard?” – Academic or Perfectionism Worries
Many kids fear making mistakes or disappointing others.
🗣 What to say:
- “You don’t have to get it all right—you’re here to learn!”
“Mistakes are how your brain grows stronger.”
💡 What to do:
Celebrate effort, not just outcomes.
Use encouraging statements like, “I believe in your ability to figure this out, one step at a time.”
🛠 Through It All: The Six Essential Steps
Based on cognitive-behavioral principles and inspired by the work of Tamar Chansky and other child anxiety experts
Validate – Reflect their feelings with calm curiosity: “You’re feeling nervous. That’s okay.”
Connect – Use physical comfort, soft voice, and eye contact to co-regulate.
Be Clear – Hold boundaries with loving confidence: “You’re going to school, and I’ll walk you to the door.”
Encourage – Cheer effort, not perfection: “This is hard, and you’re doing it.”
Model – Stay steady. Let them borrow your calm.
Hold Space – Let the emotion rise and fall while staying present.
🔑 Remember
Avoiding what’s hard can bring short-term relief, but gently facing fears—with you by their side—builds true, lasting confidence. You don’t have to have all the answers. Just being present, curious, and calm goes a long way.
❤️ Found this helpful?
Share it with a fellow parent or educator who might need a little encouragement too.
Written by Rebecca Muyres, LPC, RPT-S, CPCS, CCTP, CATP